Jeez.. it's been months

[journal entry]

Somewhere between my 16 hour work days and repetitive weekends, a lot has somehow changed. Many friends, have become total strangers to me. Maybe it's the curse of advertising, but mostly it's me. The saving grace are my brothers; highschool friends which have stuck by each other along the way. The funny thing is, I still feel alone. I think the saddest thing is letting a bond die - without constant upkeep, theres no such thing as an automated friendship.

It's pathetic how I have become so shallow- just to bring forth a sincere joy in the company of another is a bloody effort. It's a combination of feeling distant and jaded at the same time. It's like consciously living in your own head and hating it. This is probablly how britney spears felt after she married that backup dancer dude, or how kurt cobain felt before he pulled that trigger.

On the flipside, knowing that theres no way i can disconnect myself from me serves as a constant reminder that this is a victim's story and I choose my path. Sincerely to those people whom have at one time been a part of my world, you truly made it more worthwhile by just being in it.